Ed is a life-sucker. Ana wants your loyalty above every relationship. Like an addiction, you find yourself making excuses, befriending denial, and even treating the ones you love most like a B when it comes to your food and your rituals. After a month of half-crapping The Recovery Life, I decided yesterday that I would invite… Read More golden nuggets.
It’s you who always tells me I’ve gone wrong. That weight gain is MY fault, but it’s YOURS. You’ve made me cry more tears in one year than I could have imagined. You always tell me I might as well die. You say there is no more hope for me now. You sneaked into my life, introduced yourself through… Read More Dear Ed,
My wardrobe has changed at least 4 times. I’ve gone up about 5 sizes. (Nobody told me to expect that in recovery!) Getting dressed used to be simple, now it’s a bit of a stress. Put a shirt on- too tight, slip some pants on- visible bulges, skirt and leggings- have to pull the back part… Read More The Shopping Challenge
I wake up feeling rested. My sleeping has improved quite a bit. I have my cup of Joe, but don’t feel like eating yet. I start getting ready, brushing my hair. I “body-check” my back. Ed screams, “Back rolls! You’ve got back rolls, you’ve NEVER had back rolls!” I panic. I lose it just a… Read More Ed Attack.
I’m a feeler. If you don’t care for feelings, that’s fine. Quite frankly, I can’t stop feeling. I feel it all. Somehow, them feelings also lead me to be discerning and passionate and wise. Eating Disorder Recovery: My #1 Definition: Feels like you’re walking blindly to a destination you’re only hoping exists. Faith is your… Read More What Recovery “Feels” Like
I was looking forward to seeing one of my doctors today. Typically, we discuss how things have been going lately, how medication is affecting me, and where I’m at emotionally. She weighs me when I arrive (blind weigh ins), but we don’t actually talk about how much I weigh. My last two visits, I asked… Read More NO- the perfect word.
So weird. I got my 3rd consecutive period yesterday. 🙂 Yay! I’m weight restored. I feel strong. And… I cried and freaked out about eating this corn/bean/tortilla soup: I was in the middle of writing yesterday, when my sister (ever so kindly) came to my room at 7 pm with a bowl. She brought me… Read More The Saga of Sad Soup.
I really need help right now. Things are hard! Do you think you can please help me? If I insert a sentence here which specifically talks about what I need help with, I’m sure you would try to help. If I ask for encouragement because fighting an eating disorder is hard, you would respond, no… Read More Can you help me?
I woke up early this morning, Dec 31st, the last day of 2015. Yesterday I thought I wouldn’t have time to write the post I promised to, but hey here I am, wide awake to tell you a story. In previous posts I’ve talked about insecurities and different factors that contributed to my eating disorder. Today,… Read More 2015 ED exposed (TW)
One of the lies I keep bumping into in regards to eating disorders is the lie that you are not sick enough. I’ll be honest, I have a lot of moments when I scroll through Instagram or Google search something and compare myself to someone who was sicker than I. Then I hear this: You… Read More Sicker than you.(Trigger warning)