In one of my recent posts, I mentioned trying to get off anti-depressants.
Let me trade identities with Mr.Frank for a second- I’m back on those suckers. Not because I was dying of depression, but because my body felt so exhausted! I jumped off of them way too quickly, and I had a horrible time trying to function normally throughout the day. It was one of my erratic moments of, “I feel great! I think I’ll get off my medication now!”
Needless to say, it didn’t work out very well. Although I don’t like admitting to the world (the online world anyway) that I take medication, I humbly do. Yesterday, I had my check-up (I still get measured and weighed), and discussed my recent attempt of hopping off the medication train. My doctor lady asked a few questions about my personal life and one of the things I told her was pretty big news:
(Oh gosh, I hope he doesn’t read this because he’ll totally make fun of me):
I have a boyfriend. Weird. I know. For those who know me, it’s beyond weird. Although I’ve had a few suitors (total nerd word right there) over the last 6 years, I haven’t “like-liked” a soul! When I was 18, I thought I was in <3. Really, I must have been “in lust.” I had a slight infatuation, simply because I thought he was hot? That dude was pretty nice, but my life was going in the opposite direction of where his was at the time. He chose to continue working and partying. I chose to travel off to the ends of the universe to hug and love on little children. Boy, am I glad I chose not to stick around!
I met my current guy-friend through Facebook. Who would’ve thought of something like that, right? Thanks, social media. We became friends first and somehow ended up in a long-distance relationship. I won’t get in too much details now, but I do want to say that he knows all about my eating disordered past. We started talking during my 8th month of recovery, during which I was still posting plenty of food pics on my Instagram. It’s still pretty early to see where our relationship will end up, but I do know that for once in my life- I’m being completely honest with who I am, and with where I’m at in my life.
(He visited and we ate together. That’s also a big deal: eating.)
I’m not trying to impress nobody. I like tattoos and still earnestly love Jesus. I’m sensitive, discerning, and kind, but in the mornings I can be a cranky brat. Especially, if you talk to me before my morning poop & coffee. (Yes, I just mentioned poop, cuz we all do it you know. And we’re happy when we do, but moving on..) somehow, someone pretty dope still likes me. Maybe because he likes the actual ME.
An eating disorder, past or present, does not define me. Neither does my medication. I am not those things. We’re not defined by circumstance. I’m a pretty simple (or occasionally not-so-simple) 24 year old, who doesn’t like to put on a show. Even if I tried, my clumsiness would expose it all. I’d rather be an occasionally broken peep, who loves painting abstract, and writing honest blogs. Welcome to my life- the real one.