I haven’t written in ages it seems! After finishing spring semester I jumped into summer classes. They freakin overwhelmed me, but I AM nearly finished! Thank God.
Over these busy months I’ve noticed I put ED recovery efforts on the back burner. Being “too busy” is really just an excuse to not push further. I’ve got to a place where I don’t count calories, don’t obsess as much about sodium, and choose fatty dairy products over nonfat. (Which is actually healthy since sugar doesn’t have to make up for the flavor.)
But I still try to avoid grains (ED behavior), I haven’t put effort into retraining my body to eat any food with oils (ED stuff), nor am I able to walk down grocery store aisles freely. Grocery shopping is still overwhelming. A few months ago I actually felt free-er! I don’t eat out, get a bit anxious about social eating situations, and body check at least 5 X a day. That’s the truth. Obviously, I’ve still got work to do!
Just like a drug, Ana is tempting. She doesn’t come into your life in an obvious way, she kind of slithers in. That’s why logically I understand it’s important to push forward. I’ll have a 1.5 month break before fall semester & I’m motivated to make it count. I’m excited to get back to trying out new recipes, blogging, and other free living stuff!
A few of you special people know that when I began recovery last August, I was put on anti-depressants. Zoloft didn’t do jack for me, so half a year later I was put on Wellbutrin. Two months ago, I tapered to 2/3 of the original dose. Two days ago, I went down to 1/3. In a few days I hope to be taking none. Antidepressants have been another adventure, I’ll leave that stuff for another post.
This is where I’m at in my journey. Plain & simple. Still got work to do, but I’ll only keep going! My former therapist would encourage me by saying- It’s not the speed at which you’re going that matters, it’s the direction. I’m aiming at free.
Xoxo for now, recoveredandfree.
P.S.: Here’s a blog post I enjoyed reading today: