Last summer I told myself, “I shall try recovery. I don’t think it will be worth it, but I’ll take a risk. If it won’t be worth it, I’ll just go back to Ana. If it will- I’ll let others know recovery is worth it.” So now that’s my job.
Lately I haven’t been writing much. Perhaps I’m one of those peeps who writes when I can’t express all my emotions and they’re too rough. I haven’t felt the need to write. You know why? Because I’m happy! I want to live! It seems my whole life I didn’t care to be alive, but now I do. I don’t want to die.
There are still habits and thoughts that are being unwrinkled but honestly- I’m free from Ana. I eat the best I can and my time for exercise no longer has to be limited. When I have hard things to deal with, I express it. (It ain’t always pretty, but there is no self-harm.)
Probably one of the biggest parts of recovery is the RE-discovery of yourself. I’m still on that journey, but pieces of who I am have been coming back to me. & I realize- Hey! I really like me!
Today somebody wrote me saying- “Please help me!” I asked, “How can I help?”
But really I know that the biggest way I can help is to be honest at the end of my little “experiment” say – Yes! It has been worth it! Face the challenge! Fight the fight! The stomach issues, sweating, endless tears- they’ll all be worth it. You’ll only gain life.