It’s weird when you just blend in. You’ve been standing out (or in your mind you have) for so long, it gave you validation. Then, you look around and see you’re no different really. At that point, you can do 1 of 2 things:
A. Get back to that place that made you stand out (mentally or physically) OR
B. Accept being on one level with others, even if you have to figure out how.
My recent dirt: I have been comparing myself to others so much! Yesterday and today I began noticing just how much I do that. Yesterday, I was searching through posts of others who perhaps have gained as much as I have in recovery, (in hopes of hearing someone say the weight later came off. Yes, I know, ED mindset.) but nope, it was hard to come across anything like that & wasn’t the first day I’ve done so. I’ve scoured the internet trying to feel normal by finding a story similar to mine. Yesterday was the first day I really paid attention to what went through my mind and how I felt after trying to compare my recovery journey with someone else’s. I’m learning and trying to fully grasp that – Each person is on their own journey. I am not someone else. I can’t control and make myself who I would at times prefer to be. In fact, that ain’t even my job.
Today was my niece’s birthday. I strolled through a few stores picking up different items for the Betta fish I bought her. She named him Brownie. Anyway, while I was shopping, I probably noticed the body of every woman around me and automatically compared myself to them. I thought- Wow, I’m really just like all of them, even bigger than some of them! I drove home feeling icky. All of that brought me a fish home, but not any good fruit.
I’m sure I’ve written a post before about comparison, but I’ll quote again:
One of the steps I’m taking to stop comparing my recovery journey to someone else’s- is to stop looking for and reading the stories of others. (For the time being anyway.)
But what can I do to not compare myself to others at all? I don’t want to do that! Wanting to feel a level higher is all pride, and I want humility! Perhaps this is the way to it…
I know I cannot be the only one finding myself in the Comparison Pickle Jar. So, my question is: What step can YOU take to get out of that jar?
(Now, before you say pray, give it to God, etc. Reckon that in all of that we still have physical choices to make. For example, if someone upsets me and I choose to forgive, I will physically still honor them by looking them in the eye when I talk, etc. There are physical factors that we are accountable for, which speak in louder volumes than our words ever could.)
What on earth could you possibly do to embrace being on the same level with others?