“Stop thinking so far ahead, Anna,” my mom’s wisdom would often say. “In the Bible it’s written not to worry about tomorrow!” To the same tune, the Religious Folks chanted, “You should trust God, you need to grow in faith, sister!” So, of course, as I always tended to do- I beat myself up. You see, I had a flaw: I thought too far into the future. (According to the Surrounding Folks, anyway).
23 years later, another voice chimed, “I think it’s great that you always look so far into the future, it isn’t a bad thing at all! Hasn’t doing so, led you to recover?” That voice belonged to my sister-in-law. That which was spoken was redemptive, and therefore it was God’s.
& Then! I had quite the click and a light bulb blazed in my mind & Then, I remembered:
- When I used drugs in my youthful days, I chose to change BECAUSE I looked to the future.
A Meth Mom I did not want to become, nor did I want to end with needles, not ever.
2. When I smoked regularly, I decided to peer into the picture that lay AHEAD.
A Smoking Mom I preferred not to become. Perhaps, an addiction wasn’t worth my child’s lungs. Anyways, I’d never want them to self-destruct, now would I?
3. When I stopped foolishly looking for ❤ in the wrong guy, I dreamed of my FUTURE.
A partying alcoholic was not the husband I’d ever want, nor the father figure my child would be proud of.
4. When I chose to break away from the shackles of religion, knowing full well of the “crazy you are” cost, I GLIMPSED at future hope.
A condemning, judging, blind, and proud individual didn’t seem so nice. Always slaving for my God, making sandwiches He never ordered, was not the Martha I could forever emulate.
5. And when I FINALLY chose recovery from Vengeful Anorexia, I did not heed my mother’s words.
- I thought far ahead of my time.
- I worried about my tomorrow.
- I contemplated about being the person I would gladly parade in me.
A compusive-excersizing, party-pooping, feeling-hurting, insecurely-exampling of a mom, a self-centering wife, and a dying me- Is not who God created me to be.
My flaw- constantly looking to the future was in reality no flaw at all. Rather, my “flaw” saved me over, and over, and over again. Interesting it is eh? That the very “flaw” you’re told you have, can be the very thing that saves you.
And now, could your “flaw” be God given?