I really need help right now. Things are hard! Do you think you can please help me?
If I insert a sentence here which specifically talks about what I need help with, I’m sure you would try to help. If I ask for encouragement because fighting an eating disorder is hard, you would respond, no doubt. We like to help. When someone is in need and makes themselves vulnerable to us, we tend to respond. We’re people & we have a heart. Although at times we say no, we love to respond to vulnerability.
On the other side, why the heck is it so stinkin hard to ask for help? I’ve been thinking about this stuff and spoke to someone yesterday where we bounced ideas around. We seem so separated from other people at times, although we live in places fully packed. It seems that people come to us only when they need something from us. After that, things are silent. When it gets hard & we feel all used up, we have a choice. Will we make ourselves vulnerable in our loneliness and speak up to someone around? Will be vague & passive? Or, will we specifically speak up about our insecurities and needs?
I’ll use an example here of someone I know: She tends to say things like, “You don’t come over. You forgot about your family,” instead of “I miss you, can you come over next week”? She’ll say, “People can talk pretty, but they don’t show it in their works,” instead of “Can you help baby sit or help clean my house?” She’ll passively say, “Is that dirt behind your ear”? When she knows full well that she sees a tattoo behind my ear. Perhaps it’s more appropriate to say something honest along the lines of, “I don’t like tattoos and I see you have one behind your ear. It’s uncomfortable for me and I don’t understand why you would get one. Is there anything going on that you’d like to talk about”?
I get it, we as people aren’t perfect. However that is NOT an excuse for passive remarks. I used to say passive things, occasionally still catch myself doing it. But I want to be an individual who comes to you and opens up about my situation & asks for help instead of being passive aggressive or hinting of my current miseries. I’m sure you, dear reader, know at least one person in your life who would reign as Queen Passive Aggressive or King Pretend-I-Have-It-All-Together-When-I’m-Dying-For-Help. Let’s be a generation that admits to mistakes, weakesses, or wrongs. Let’s be unafraid to ask for help when we need it. As stated earlier, we like to help others when they need help. Let’s allow them to help us. Let’s ask for help when we need it.
When I finally opened up to my doc about my struggle with eating, she referred me to a counselor. I didn’t think I would be able to see a therapist because I have no insurance. I shared my story with the counselor, admitting to the shame I’ve carried. I told him, “I really want help! I don’t want to live like this! I know there’s more to life than my daily food issues.” I was so surprised. He gave me phone numbers and referred me to different places I could go for therapy, even though I didn’t have insurance. He said to me, “I can see you really want help. Because of that, we WILL find help for you. Your desire to beat this, won’t stop here.” He gave me phone numbers to call and said, “If these places won’t take you, call me, and we’ll figure out something that works. You WILL get help.”
I do still get ED thoughts most days, however I’ve been seeing my therapist for at least 4 months now. Each 1-hr session is at least 120-160$, yet a way was found for me to only pay 8$ per visit!!! I’ve kicked butt with this eating disorder. Whoever struggles with it knows how bad it sucks and how hard recovery can be. I couldn’t come this far though, and gotten the help I have, had I not finally stopped saving everyone around me for a moment and come forth to say, “I need help now.“ Would you help me?
I’m not a special case to ask & get help. You don’t have to have an eating disorder, addiction, etc to ask for help. If you simply got lonely, tired, hurt, broken, etc. go for it. Reach on out. There’s a world to help you.
And now… the Boccone Dolce cake I made yesterday!!! 😀