Yes or no.

We all like to feel special, but if me feeling special depends on notes as such, I have yet to discover my own radiance.
We all like to feel special, but if me feeling special depends on notes as such, I have yet to discover that I am a star. A rockstar in fact. Jesus is the Rock and the Brightest Star, He camps inside  of me. 2 + 2 = 4. Rockstar.

There’s something so freeing about disconnecting sometimes. Away from all the noise, be it the noise inside your mind. Forgetting your phone purposely, not using FB for days, and just focusing on what you’re doing right now, this very moment. One thing I’m trying to practice is mindfulness. As I write, I fully think about writing. When I eat, I try to focus on eating. When I listen to someone, I try to be fully present. (Thank you Hannah & Rachelle for being great examples of this!) It’s a “mindfulness life skill” I’m learning from my therapist.

I loved that during my mission trips I wasn’t always connected to the world/media as we tend to be in fast-paced beloved America. I could focus on the person I was with and really listen. Or talk. I like to talk sometimes. Now, I purposely disconnect from media for a few days, from my phone (as much as I can), or from people in general.

I used to think we weren’t allowed space as Christians. And then I learned that Jesus pried through a throng of people who “needed” him in order to reach a boy he was going to bring back to life! I love how Danny Silk talks about this- that those in the crowd probably thought, “How dare he! How could he not help ME. Hello! I need you! Would you look at him.. Who does he think he is saying “no” to me?But.. Jesus had a plan. A life-giving one. A favorite statement of mine is that each time we say “yes” we’re saying “no” to something else. Silk says, “If you haven’t learned to say no, you can’t say yes.” I used to think I was obliged to do ALL things which are Good, but Daddy God’s like- I have a way that is Excellent. I wonder.. how often does our value come from saying yes to people that need us? I’ve asked myself- how do I feel when I see how many likes/dislikes I get on FB? How do I feel if I’m not invited where my friend is? How do I feel if I see many views on my blog posts, or if I see just a few? I understand that if my feelings are navigated by these things, then I’m putting my worth into feeling “needed” by other Folks. {Unfortunately, most of the time they just have something to gain from us} How many of you get lonely if no one is texting you but the person next to you is getting spammed? How do you feel when someone brags about another person in front of you? Do you have to feel wanted and needed in order to feel good about yourself? We say “yes” to too many things just because we need that “good” feeling that we are needed- that we are important. It looks so selfless. Sometimes it is, and sometimes it’s not. Who are we kidding? When I do something for you, I want it to be to your benefit, not to mine and not to my feelings of feeling good, wanted, or needed. I don’t want to say “yes” to everything to look so humble and kind and good before you. I am humble and kind and good, and I’ve somehow finally managed to say “no.” Praise da Lort (as Madea might say)!

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