It’s not about maintaining a weight restored number. Nor about getting a period back (this one I’m still trying to believe). It’s about surrender to love. God love, people love, and Mr.Self-Love. The first time I heard, “You’re free to be you,” by some very loving folks in Africa, I was half way there. But I thought to myself- will you really love me for “me”? Would you really love me if I didn’t hide behind being skinny? Rational, irrational, those two mix together when you struggle with an eating disorder. But they were the first to truly offer the idea of “unconditional love.” This past year all masks have come off. I’m experiencing unconditional love and it’s allowing me to be vulnerable. I’m willing to be who I really am. True freedom is not being weight restored. True freedom is not trying to control anything in any aspect of your life and instead accepting the lot God has given. I won’t say I love the curves my body likes developing, in fact I’ve fought against those. I won’t pretend that I haven’t spent a whole day fighting this week-crying even at work, and skipping meals that day. But what I will say is this: I still believe in full freedom and I am getting there, day by day. In the meantime, I’m learning to recognize unconditional love and at least yielding to Mr.Self-Love, I’m checking him out 😏. I’m almost 7 lbs higher than two months ago. My wardrobe is changing. I’m eating breakfast. I feel puffy. But at least I’m trying. And I’m fighting. And I’m going to win. And so will you. Bam.