Mr.Self-Love

image
Unconditional love bought me my faves.

It’s not about maintaining a weight restored number. Nor about getting a period back (this one I’m still trying to believe). It’s about surrender to love. God love, people love, and Mr.Self-Love. The first time I heard, “You’re free to be you,” by some very loving folks in Africa, I was half way there. But I thought to myself- will you really love me for “me”? Would you really love me if I didn’t hide behind being skinny? Rational, irrational, those two mix together when you struggle with an eating disorder. But they were the first to truly offer the idea of “unconditional love.” This past year all masks have come off. I’m experiencing unconditional love and it’s allowing me to be vulnerable. I’m willing to be who I really am. True freedom is not being weight restored. True freedom is not trying to control anything in any aspect of your life and instead accepting the lot God has given. I won’t say I love the curves my body likes developing, in fact I’ve fought against those. I won’t pretend that I haven’t spent a whole day fighting this week-crying even at work, and skipping meals that day. But what I will say is this: I still believe in full freedom and I am getting there, day by day. In the meantime, I’m learning to recognize unconditional love and at least yielding to Mr.Self-Love, I’m checking him out 😏. I’m almost 7 lbs higher than two months ago. My wardrobe is changing. I’m eating breakfast. I feel puffy. But at least I’m trying. And I’m fighting. And I’m going to win. And so will you. Bam.

Changes.
Changes.
Changes.
Changes.
And.. My first loaf of bread.
And.. My first loaf of bread.
Having breakfast? Buttered up toast AND went back for a second?
Having breakfast? Buttered up toast AND went back for a second?
Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s