My loss or my gain?

I willingly gained a pound today. Catchy first sentence eh? Well now that you’re here, let me air out my dirty laundry. Here goes: I’ve accepted it, I’m in denial no longer. I’ve accepted that I have had an eating disorder for 3 years. Ive gradually lost more than a quarter of my initial body weight. If you’re medically underweight and if a Doctor diagnoses an eating disorder, you’re just left out of excuses. I’ve accepted that my body is fighting for me not to see 106 lbs on the scale. I understand that if one day I want to have babies I have to be okay with those numbers going up. I haven’t had a period for half a year now and I’m not willing to risk fertility or osteoporosis for ED. There’s nothing glamorous about it. Baby steps. It’s been 1 month now since I’ve come clean with what I’ve been putting my body through and now I owe it recovery. I’m scared. It’s scary. It’s physically uncomfortable, bloaty, and hard. It emotionally sucks, but I’m done. I’m done saving everyone and helping everyone around me except myself, I’ve got to save me now. With unconditional love from my family & friends and with Jesus- the initiator of Project Save Anna, I’m moving forward. I’m learning to communicate and to receive from others right now.. It started with asking for help. I knew I couldn’t control this “thing” in my life on my own anymore, so I reached out to my famous sister Alesya. Her home, along with my incredible job, are a safe harbor in which I’m willing to be vulnerable. That’s all it takes for surrender- unconditional love.
So there you have it. I have much more to share on this and one day I will. But for today I’m willing to say- I gained a pound.

Before ED.
Before ED.
Post ED. Glamorous right?
Post ED. Glamorous right?
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3 thoughts on “My loss or my gain?

  1. As a survivor/battler (if that’s a word) of an ED, I want to say I’m so proud of you for saying it out loud, reaching out for help and admitting there is a problem. I am praying for you, if you would like to talk sometime, I’d love to hear your story and maybe for you to hear mine and see if there is a way to help one another with surviving and thriving after ED. You have my email. God Bless you Anna!

    Liked by 1 person

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