I figure it’s time to start a blog of my never ending life adventures!
I was an odd kid. My number 1 dream was to be a missionary. I grew up in a Christian Russian family of 15, and from them all, I felt like the oddball. Instilled in me, was a passion for others not to feel as crappy as I did. In my massive family I felt alone and didn’t want any other kids ever feeling like that. I dreamed of finding the Broken Folks. I was determined- my dreams were going to come true no matter what. At the age of 6, I was saving $4 for the future and proclaimed to adults that I was going to be like Mother Teresa. I wanted to travel the globe. I did awesome in school, had scholarships in store, and by 14 believed that my “missionary dreams” were impossible with where my life was successfully heading. At 15, I was friends with the “bad kids” in school and soon began smoking and drinking. By 17, I was partying, raving, doing who-knows-what with who-knows-who, using drugs, and trying to find happiness in empty wells. Soon, I was on the highest dose of anti-depressants. At 18, I got the scholarship I hoped for, but at that point I was also a mess. Caught in a dark whirlwind, I was at a point of suicide. With a snotty attitude on a suicidal night, I proclaimed to God that if He “exists,” He has 24 hours to radically change my life and give me a reason to want to live…. That’s when He made my kid dreams come true. I fell in love with Jesus all over again. Over a period of 5 years I attended a Bible College in Ukraine, lived at a rehab center in Oregon, spent 6 months in India serving in an orphanage, returned to the rehab to be a women’s counselor, and loved on the Mozambican people in Africa for 1.5 yrs.
After all those games, God graciously led me out of the organization I was with to love on ME and make MY life better. I wanted to help everyone else, and He’s like- now it’s time to help YOU. In all my travels I looked for a broken child like I was, and I never found one. I didn’t realize that I was that broken kid and all those things actually were healing ME. Recently, God pulled me out of cultish religion, gave me back joyous freedom, & has been helping me recover from anorexia and all the anxiety that’s built up with it. That’s where the adventures of my life continue and a new chapter begins.
I want to become a therapist, because.. perhaps I can relate.